The best way to defuse anger is to talk about it. Encourage your child to discuss with you the things that make him angry.

Anger is a God-given emotion. It has a purpose in our lives and is something that is normal to human experience. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” The goal is not to ignore or suppress anger but to manage it. Teaching your child to recognize and control anger will greatly help him in his relationships now and as an adult. Here are ways to manage anger:

Acknowledge it

Many times people wrongly assume if they ignore anger it will go away. Some generations were taught to ignore emotions because expressing them (especially anger, sadness or fear) was deemed as “giving in” to negative feelings. Producing a stoic automaton is not the goal of anger management. It’s okay to admit when you’re angry. The problem comes in giving “full vent” to anger. Proverbs calls this person a fool.

Defuse it

The best way to defuse anger is to talk about it. Encourage your child to discuss with you the things that make him angry. Often these feelings result from real or perceived injustice. Sometimes disappointment mushrooms into anger. Help him distinguish between feeling angry and acting angrily.

Acting out anger in the form of aggressive or destructive behavior only accelerates it. If your child doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, encourage him to write about them in a journal. Suggest that he end his journal entry by writing the steps he plans to take to get past the episode of anger he is feeling — such as praying, listening to quiet music or spending time outdoors.

Redirect focus

Teach your child to take his focus off his anger and look at positive aspects of his life. When your child is upset, remind him of the many ways he is blessed –– family, friends, church and health. Play a beat-the-clock game in which he names as many things as possible in a minute that are positives in his life. Or put a “gratitude chart” on the refrigerator and let him fill in a column of things or people in his life for which he is thankful.

Use physical outlets

When your child is upset, help him process his anger into physical exertion. Send him out to run around the house 10 times. As he runs, he can take advantage of self-talk: “I’m not as angry on this lap” or “I’m feeling better.” When he comes in, offer him a cool drink and a hug. Tell him you’re proud of him for managing his anger.

The Angry Child: Part 1
Part 2 - Understanding Anger
Part 3 - Managing Anger
Part 4 - Pulling Together as a Family