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While there is no complete way to anger-proof your household, there are things you can do to decrease the tension in your home. Encourage a family environment that is mutually supportive with these pointers:

Ease comparisons.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of comparing our children to each other or to someone else’s children. This can cause our children’s self-esteem to plummet. Avoid saying, “I wish you could be more like _______.” Instead, focus on improvement, effort and willingness. Say things like “I can tell you are working hard to bring your math grades up” or “Thank you for controlling your anger in this situation.” Appreciate each child for his unique personality bent.

Encourage affirmation.

Instead of watching for negative qualities in your child, notice and comment on the positives. Catch him doing something right. Positive qualities about your child don’t have to be academic or sports related. They can be good character qualities. The elementary school our son attended gave character awards at the end of the year instead of academic awards. Every child received a character award for such virtues as thoughtfulness, courtesy or compassion.

Give your children character awards in the form of verbal affirmation. Once a week, go around the dinner table and ask each family member to affirm the person on his right. This promotes a loving, supportive atmosphere for everyone in the household.

Embrace humor.

It’s hard to be angry when you’re engaged in a full-tilt belly laugh. Just make sure you’re laughing together rather than at a family member. When our son was younger and would get angry and pout, another member of the family would adopt a mad-scientist/Gestapo voice and say, “I’m going to have to make you smile.…” This tactic never failed to get him over whatever was upsetting him. Crazy voices and funny names are guaranteed laugh-producers at our house.

Employ affection.

Many times our children are starving for affection, and we don’t even realize it. We live life at such a frantic pace that we forget to take time to hug, touch and say “I love you.” Don’t assume your children feel loved. Let them know that you’re thankful for them and that they hold a special place in the family. Begin and end the day with “I love you,” “I’m glad to see you” or “You’re great, beautiful, wonderful” or any other superlative that’s appropriate.

The Angry Child: Part 1
Part 2 - Understanding Anger
Part 3 - Managing Anger
Part 4 - Pulling Together as a Family